It is th eve of the Phase 1 Photo Shoot and Weigh-in.
I have really been trying to bring my A-game all week in the workouts. In fact, I was such a trained-assassin in Kenpo-X (kickboxing, for non “X” blobs) that my shoulders still burn with the fire of 1,000 suns. Even typing this now is a teeth-grinding challenge. Who knew just how much shoulder goes into reach that right ring finger for the “P” (ow.) P (ouch.) P (yeeeoooow. enough.)
I have NO idea how I am going to make it all the way through — er, who am I kidding, FIVE minutes into — tonight’s workout. It is “Core Synergistics.” More like “Sinister-gistics”, at least in my broken-down, over-worked, blobby-blob opinion. Oh, you don’t know what “Core Synergistics is? That’s only because nobody in your life hates you enough to introduce you to it. We did it one time already this week and seriously, damn. (As an aside — “Recovery Week,” shouldn’t necessitate more recovery than the three preceeding weeks that warranted said “Recovery Week.” I mean that’s just Basic Humanity: 101, right?)
For one precious hour you have this guy, the absolute Minister of Sinister, off-handedly suggesting you do things the human body simply was not designed to do. Lower from a push up, to your elbows, then BACK to a push up. “Yeah, sure, no prob. Just let me dismount my unicorn and ask Santa Clause to hold my magic wand and other imaginary things first, k?” The first round of Core Synergistics this week was pretty embarrassing, even for a blob like me who has no pride about physical prowess. I’m telling you it was embarrassing — and I did it ALONE, while Sideshow Blob was at work, behind locked doors and curtains drawn tight. I embarrassed myself trying to obey this psycho by dragging by sad sorry blob all over my living room floor. But, you know, I’m all about giving over to the process now.
And it’s like Sideshow Blob says: “In Tony We Trust.”
It’s like I said yesterday: I am striving for a whole new consciousness about my progress toward fitness. I am seizing this week of reflection and “recovery” (whatever THAT means anymore) to manifest my new “attitude of gratitude.” And you know, with all this positivity-inhaling, negativity-exhaling, downward-dogging, at the behest of Tony “So-you-thought-Plyometrics-was-tough” Horton, I think I’m really starting to see the light. Well, with all that and a few tricks of my own:
I’m sure I’ll figure it out, one way or another.