Blobbing off the Horse

Ok people.  I’m back. 

After two months hiatus, I’m back in the business of blogging, not blobbing.  For my regular reader(s), you may be curious about The Great Unveiling which was scheduled to occur at a friend’s wedding this summer.  Well the wedding came and went with all the fanfare, celebration, and festivity a wedding deserves.  The Great Unveiling, however, did not.I guess I was unveiled, but only to the extent that I showed up and wore a slightly more revealing dress than the Jackie O./Hillary Clinton style I usually opt for.  (I think the official classification is “Whatever Tarp Will Best Obscure This Mess.”)  But The Great Unveiling I imagined at the outset of this whole wretched mess never came to fruition.  I expected, you know, lines of envious admirers who would gasp “ooh,” “aahs,” “what have you been doing,” and “this is the gun show? I didn’t know I had tickets.”     

It all began with the decision Sideshow Blob and I made to blow off the last 30 days of P90X; then I unveiled the Procrastination Plan.  Then even the Procrastination Plan fell apart.  I sort of slid into The Great Unveiling feeling defeated, overwhelmed, under-motivated, and very blobbish.  It nowhere near approximated the glorious victory lap through ticker-tape and applause that I had envisioned.  So now what?     

I wrote before about leaving P90X feeling defeated and weak.  Weakness is a symptom used to describe a number of different conditions, including: lack of muscle strength, malaise, dizziness or fatigue. (See Wikipedia: Weakness).  Lack of muscle strength?  Check.  Malaise, or a vague feeling of discomfort, one that cannot be pinned down but is often sensed as “just not right.?”  Check.  Dizziness and fatigue?  Not so much.  Maybe weakness isn’t exactly what’s going on here.  It’s not the same feeling of impotent dysfunction I’ve experienced in the past.  It’s more like, “Ok, you didn’t have what it takes, you didn’t get what you want, but as long as you (the proverbial Fat Lady) are not singing, it ain’t over yet!”      

Fat Lady Sings: It's Over
Jacked from: http://climateprogress.org/2008/11/04/obama-takes-ohio-fat-lady-sings-our-long-national-nightmare-is-over/

 

   

 Less Focus on the Fall, More Focus on the Remount  

There is no way to completely avoid falls when you are striving for a whole new way of life, diet, and workout regimen.  And there is no way to guarantee you will fall from any new ideal without injury to your pride, to your ego, and especially to your give-a-damn.  But the following tips may help you lessen the impact of a fall while making this kind of lifestyle change:   

  •  Work out in a safe environment for your skill level, stop comparing yourself to local elite triathletes, yoga instructors, and body builders.  Start at the beginning. 
  •  Ride with awareness. Try to see the cookies coming before your 3:00PM craving is blindsided so you can divert its attention.
  •  Be in control.  It’s your life, it’s your body, it’s your hand lifting the jalapeno popper to your mouth . . . WAIT, what? Stop that!
  •  Keep proper position in the saddle.  Once you saddle-up with a plan, stick to it. 

  

Make sure that saddle (your workout plan, we’re still playing with this silly metaphor) fits you and the stirrups are adjusted to the right length.  Don’t kid yourself into thinking you’ll be rocking a 5K every morning, half an hour of weight training every night, and yoga on your lunch break.  Workouts should fit the goals you want (“oohs,” “ahhs,” “what have you been doings?,” and “is this the gun shows”) the time you have (virtually none) and the motivation you can muster (I can DO this).           

Whoa, Horsey!! By Natalie Dee
Credit: http://www.nataliedee.com

After the Fall      

“It’s inevitable—if you ride, you will fall off.”  Even the best trained athlete can spook, bolt or buck.  This can result in making an unscheduled dismount.  Do a quick assessment: give your self a second to get your wind back (“Am I breathing?  I must be, I smell french fries.”) and check for ego-injury  (“Does anyone know I fell off?  They must, it’s on the Internet and they can SEE this circulation-stopping waistband.”).   If everything seems okay get up and climb back into the saddle.  This will reassure yourself, your riding companions and your horse. Most of all, assess why you fell off, so that you can try to avoid making the same mistake twice.  Let’s get to that later.  For now, it’s enough just to realize this summer has not played out the way I’d hoped, but fall is on its way, and so is a new outlook, new resolve, and new bangin’ bod.     

Who’s with me?   

(Credit: About.com: How to Fall Off a Horse for absolutely everything in this post about falling off the horse.)

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