Whole 30 Day 1: I Think “Cliche” is Health-speak for “Quiche”

It’s the first day of the rest of the month.


From here until 5/1 I eat real food.  Sounds fine, but also means that I do not eat sugar of any kind, grains, beans, dairy, or white potatoes.  And I don’t drink.

Last night I said out loud to a total stranger: “I’m doing the Whole 30.  I want to commit to the 21-day plan of grab and go paleo meals.”  That is so not me.  Anyone whose read more than two posts here knows I’m cheese fries.  I’m big beers.  I’m hot wings.  I’m not kale, or bison, or a kale bison egg white scramble.  Until this morning, I guess. If you are what you eat — I’m exactly that.

Hilariously, the total stranger gave me daps and said “I believe in you, man. Hell yeah.”  Granted, she’s the sales associate at the grab-and-go health joint, but whatever, it’s a motivational club of two at this point.

The Journey of 150 Reasonably Portioned Meals Begins With a Single Bite.

Jacked From: The Whole 30 Timeline 2.0 at http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/
Jacked From: The Whole 30 Timeline 2.0 at http://whole30.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/

By three o’clock today I should be feeling like a rock star, says the web site.  I’m excited about the challenge, and after toe-dipping two weeks ago, I know there are some good things ahead.  I’m nervous about days 4-5 being rough on everyone, and about days 6-7 being in peak tax season.  I know I can do the Whole 30 challenge (in a vacuum with no outside influences), but I’m susceptible to the power of suggestion (particularly when it’s the suggestion from my friends that we go get a beer.)  I’m also susceptible to stress eating where I mindlessly mow through 15 tiny York peppermint patties trying to get my Outlook Inbox unread items into single digits.

Stressed Spelled Backward is Desser– CRAP.

There’s a lot going on this month adding to the challenge of sticking to the Whole 30.  I’m getting married in 40 days.  You’d think that this would be on the positive side of the Whole 30 since, well, Project: Look Amazing at the Wedding appears to be all but coterminous with the Whole 30.  What’s weird is that right in the smack middle of Project: Look Amazing at the Wedding, comes all of your closest friends to help you celebrate.  With champagne and other libations, day-drinking girls’ trips, and thee-tiered wedding cupcakes.

Also coming up this month is Tax Day.  If you’re in a job that doesn’t celebrate this high holy stress day: be thankful.  I’m not saying other jobs don’t have comparable stress days.  I’m just saying this one is equal only to “death” in the short list of things we can always count on.

I also got put on the board of my charity volunteer group, which is an incredible honor and — as those tend to be — a lot of work.  One of the earliest Whole 30 lessons for me is that when I do a lot of hard work, I feel that I’ve earned a lot of fried food.  I absolutely categorize foods as rewards, so committing to not eating them feels like saying to myself that I didn’t earn it or I don’t deserve it.  Not to get all Madam Cleo on you, but have you ever said “you didn’t earn it,” or “you don’t deserve it” to a Capricorn?  I don’t recommend it.

For now I’m sticking with my grab-and-go sales associate: “I believe in you, man. Hell yeah.

This is not April Fool’s.  

But wouldn’t it be good it if was?


Blobservations of your own?

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