Plyome-tricks: Jumping Through Hoops is no Longer Just for 9:00 to 5:00

Pain Pills, Credit: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/ images/ Health_And_Medical_ g66-A_Lot_Of_Pills_p14688.html

 

 

Day 2 was Plyometrics Day.

I found it less than encouraging when the DVD indicated Plyometrics was to be “The Mother of All Workouts.” Probably because the Chest, Back, and Abs DVD was also “The Mother of All Workouts.” Looks like my workout has two mommies. (And I thought that was just Houston . . . .)

Plyometrics is supposed to increase your power, where power is defined as a function of strength and speed. You may, perhaps, have deduced from the giant bottle of aspirin pictured here that I am experiencing neither strength nor speed.

In fact, I feel weaker than ever before. Yesterday I struggled putting on my suit jacket which I am convinced had every intention of ripping my arms off. This morning I was pinned in the passenger seat of my car by my purse (which, to my credit I guess, may outweigh a toddler) like A.C. Slater got pinned by Tori.

And as for speed, forget about it. I’m stepping gingerly through my office like a sophomore past curfew on the theory that if I’m slow enough, my body won’t actually know I’m moving it, and thus forget to hurt.

So now I am here sitting, very still, waiting for my aspirin to kick in and repeating to my self my new mantra; “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Repeating the mantra, and visualizing Day 90, when I will no longer be sissy-pants-pinned-to-the-mat Slater, but rocking-out-at-the-Max-in-all-my-glory Slater: